Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Vow to Myself

I want to have a baby. I realized shortly after my miscarriage that I needed to lose more weight before we tried to get pregnant again. Even though I am relatively healthy, I am very overweight. Even though many overweight women have babies all the time, I realized for myself that I needed to give my body the best shot possible. I know I won't be at my "ideal" weight before we try again, but I need to weigh less than I do now. However, I have struggled a great deal in the last seven months to actually lose weight. I've not been able to stick with any thing for very long. I've tried to examine my reasons (excuses) and I just can't figure it out. Is it partly because if I think that if I lose the weight and we get pregnant again, I may miscarry and have to go through this again? Therefore if I don't lose the weight, we won't try and then I won't have to deal with another miscarriage. Maybe partly, but I don't think that is it completely. Is it because maybe I really don't want to have a baby deep down inside? I don't think that is it either. Is it because I don't think I can do it? Is it because I may be depressed and don't want to admit it? Is their just one reason? What reasons do people have for not losing weight? Trust me, I've tried them all on, and no one excuse fits perfectly.

So I started to think about all the promises and goals and lists I've made. Wondering where I was going wrong. What do I need to do differently. I came to the very blunt realization that I have all the tools, I know what works, and I need to stop getting in my own way. So I decided to make a vow. I thought about one of the other "vows" that I have made, and the symbol of that vow. My wedding ring is always with me. A symbol of the vow that I made to Chris. I realized that I don't even THINK about breaking that vow. So why do I break the promises that I make to myself? So I decided to make a vow to myself. And use the same kind of symbol. And just like my wedding vows, I'm doing it publicly (here). I think there is something in making a public vow that brings an extra sense of accountability. So maybe this is corny. I feel serious about it. I got a plain band at Wal-Mart. I said the vow out loud, and I'm putting it here for people to know.

I vow to do what it takes to get healthy. I will follow a healthy eating plan and a healthy fitness plan. No more putting it off. No more reasons to not try. No more excuses.


Katie Davis said...

Amen. And like at a wedding... see me sitting in the pew as a witness and vowing back support. I believe this is a fantastic idea Sarah.

Ben said...

I hope you get exactly what you are looking for. I have found that if you cut down your sugar and pop intake you will lose a considerable amount at first, then you have to be ready to change your diet and watch the fat, but I think the thing people do is over diet, they try to cut everything out and then burn out and give up. my wife was diagnosed with diabetes and in order to make her life easier i changed my diet accordingly, and while it is NOT easy, i find that the less sugar and starchy foods i eat the better i feel and the more weight i lose.

the important thing to remember is you will cheat on the diet, but that it is okay to do so occasionally.

Tiny Head said...

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

Natalie said...

There's hugs and support coming for Columbus, too! I'm so right there with you on this one! I love the idea of a ring/vow - what a terrific idea. Let me know if I can help in any other way - maybe I'll just FB you occasionally to see how things are going. I need to make lots of changes too - the least of which is losing weight (if you can believe it!). Stand strong friend!