I want to have a baby. I realized shortly after my miscarriage that I needed to lose more weight before we tried to get pregnant again. Even though I am relatively healthy, I am very overweight. Even though many overweight women have babies all the time, I realized for myself that I needed to give my body the best shot possible. I know I won't be at my "ideal" weight before we try again, but I need to weigh less than I do now. However, I have struggled a great deal in the last seven months to actually lose weight. I've not been able to stick with any thing for very long. I've tried to examine my reasons (excuses) and I just can't figure it out. Is it partly because if I think that if I lose the weight and we get pregnant again, I may miscarry and have to go through this again? Therefore if I don't lose the weight, we won't try and then I won't have to deal with another miscarriage. Maybe partly, but I don't think that is it completely. Is it because maybe I really don't want to have a baby deep down inside? I don't think that is it either. Is it because I don't think I can do it? Is it because I may be depressed and don't want to admit it? Is their just one reason? What reasons do people have for not losing weight? Trust me, I've tried them all on, and no one excuse fits perfectly.
So I started to think about all the promises and goals and lists I've made. Wondering where I was going wrong. What do I need to do differently. I came to the very blunt realization that I have all the tools, I know what works, and I need to stop getting in my own way. So I decided to make a vow. I thought about one of the other "vows" that I have made, and the symbol of that vow. My wedding ring is always with me. A symbol of the vow that I made to Chris. I realized that I don't even THINK about breaking that vow. So why do I break the promises that I make to myself? So I decided to make a vow to myself. And use the same kind of symbol. And just like my wedding vows, I'm doing it publicly (here). I think there is something in making a public vow that brings an extra sense of accountability. So maybe this is corny. I feel serious about it. I got a plain band at Wal-Mart. I said the vow out loud, and I'm putting it here for people to know.
I vow to do what it takes to get healthy. I will follow a healthy eating plan and a healthy fitness plan. No more putting it off. No more reasons to not try. No more excuses.